When Children Grow Up
As anyone who has been a parent (or for that matter, anyone who was once a child) can tell you, the relationship between a parent and child changes over time. As children become adults and as parents age, there can often be a shift in responsibility. However, a from a legal standpoint at least, it isn't always as obvious where responsibilities lay.
Adult children normally have no legal responsibilities toward their parents, and their parents have no legal duties toward them. However, there are important exceptions to this general rule. In a number of states, children must support their parents if their parents are financially destitute. These laws are usually referred to as "filial responsibility laws." Adult children may be excused from such responsibilities if they cannot afford to support their parents or if the parents have previously abandoned the child. If you are facing a situation like this, talk to your attorney to ensure you fully understand your state's requirements and your responsibilities.
Of course, many adult children voluntarily take on the responsibility of caring for and supporting their parents. If you are taking care of your parents, it is important to fully assess where your parents' income and financial support comes from and to determine whether you have the appropriate legal tools. Even if your parents retired long ago, it is likely that they have income coming in from a variety of sources. These include private pensions and government benefits such as Social Security, Supplemental Social Security Income, and veterans' benefits. If you have questions about your parents' eligibility for any of these programs, or problems receiving payments, it is best to start with a call to either your parents' former employers' human resources department or your local Social Security office (www.ssa.gov will help you locate your local office).
In order to properly support your parents, it is necessary to have the correct legal tools in place. These tools help ensure that you can access the appropriate resources for your parents and, if necessary, speak on their behalf when it comes to making financial and health-care decisions. These legal documents include powers of attorney, trusts, and advanced directives. It is vital that your parents contact an attorney to create a set of documents tailored to their specific needs. The U.S. Administration on Aging (www.aoa.gov) maintains hotlines and local offices to help you find the appropriate legal resources in your community.
It is also important that you understand the additional, nonfinancial legal dynamics involved in taking on the care and responsibility of your aging parent. This is particularly important when it comes to the issue of elder abuse. Elder abuse occurs when a family member, caregiver, or another individual in a relationship of trust with an older person abuses, financially exploits, or neglects the older person. The exact definition of elder abuse varies from state to state, but it generally includes physical abuse; sexual abuse; emotional or psychological abuse; neglect, such as withholding medications, food, or shelter; and abandonment. All states consider financial exploitation to be a form of elder abuse. Examples of financial exploitation include cashing an older person' Social Security check and not using the money for the person's care; misusing credit cards and funds held in joint bank accounts; and tricking the elder into signing away property.
Elder abuse occurs among people of all races, social classes, and economic levels, and it can happen to both men and women. More than two-thirds of abusers are family members, most often the victim's adult children and spouse. Of course, this isn't to say that every adult child is going to abuse their aging parent; rather, this is a cautionary note to be aware that your aging parent is potentially at risk. While the advance of age eventually makes us all vulnerable, the law looks dimly on those who prey on those vulnerabilities.